Ok, ok, ok! My new "mom" brain that I've received lately has been driving me crazy about blogging. I'm finally giving in. I don't care if a single person follows this or not. I know I need to journal through Levi's life and this is the easiest way for me to do that, so here goes... I am a little disappointed that I'm beginning this journal 4 months late but I keep telling myself, "better late than never".
Tonight as I rocked Levi to sleep, my mind reminisced back to September 11th of last year. I was in my friends' wedding and Matt & I were on our way home. It was late and we were exhausted, so neither of us were saying much. I was thinking. The weekend was jam packed and I hadn't felt great but didn't really have time to think about it until then. Hmm... I was nauseous three mornings in a row. Hmm.... I've been starving all day. Hmm... hmm...hmmm.... Whoa! All of these thoughts start connecting in my brain and I tell Matt, "Can we run by the store on the way home?" He looks at me crazy but agrees and says, "For what?" I remember hesitating for a moment... "I think I need to take a pregnancy test. Don't worry. I highly doubt I'm pregnant, I just want to make sure so I can sleep tonight." Matt wasn't worried at all. I did this all the time. Always paranoid about being pregnant. I always pictured being pregnant in nursing school and it just seemed like my worst nightmare! And in addition to that, Matt and I had only been married 2 years and we were thoroughly enjoying our time "alone".
We get to Walmart at around 11:30 and I make him run in because I don't want to be seen buying a pregnancy test. Word travels fast in Zachary. At this point, I really was thinking I wasn't pregnant. But again, I just wanted to know for sure so I could sleep. When we got home I went straight to the bathroom. Matt got in bed and turned the light out. Approximately three minutes later I say, "Um.... Matt?? What does this look like to you?" He says very confidently and calmly, "A plus sign." "Right, let me try again." I go for the next test, still thinking I'm not pregnant. Another 3 minutes later, "Umm.... Matt...." From this point on, I don't really remember what happened. I think my brain melted. I remember lots of tears on my side and lots of laughing and smiling on Matt's side. I remember him saying, "Why are you so sad???" And I would say, "Are you kidding????"
It took me several days and lots of praying to finally warm up to the idea of having a baby. I had so many doubts and worries and fears, but the Lord used so many people, especially my parents to reassure me that ultimately, EVERYTHING WOULD WORK OUT. I had to remind myself that children are a good thing! Babies are good! God gives them as blessings! I also had to talk myself into the idea that no matter what my nursing school plans and timing were, God's timing and His plans were always better. Once I could finally wrap my mind around that, things started getting a lot more exciting and fun!
So as I sat and rocked Levi tonight, I hugged him a little tighter and held him a little closer. He has been such an incredible joy to my life! What a blessing he has been! Oh how the Lord must love His kids! I am thankful tonight.
